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  • Home > Chloe Neill > Chicagoland Vampires Series > Blade Bound (Chapter 84)      Page
  • Blade Bound(Chicagoland Vampires #13)(84) by Chloe Neill
  • I doubted reconsideration was necessary, but indulged him with a look at the basket.

    “Mmmph,” was the closest approximation to the sound that I made. “I’m not really hungry.”

    I walked to the window, pushed back the heavy silk curtain with a finger. The world outside was dark and cold, frost already gathered on the glass.

    “Not hungry?” Ethan joked, pulling his shirt over his head. “How is that possible?”

    When I didn’t answer, he moved closer, turned me toward him, and frowned down at what he saw. “You’re troubled,” he said, stroking a thumb along my jaw.

    I paused, fearing I’d sound ridiculous, but remembered he was my husband, my partner, my confidant and friend, so I trusted him with it.

    “I was thinking about the green land, and the child we saw there. It hurt. Seeing her, and having her taken away.”

    “We weren’t really there,” he said kindly, “and she wasn’t really taken away.”

    “It felt real. It hurt like it was real, and Gabriel said nothing was guaranteed. What if that’s really our future? In our time, instead of Claudia’s, but the same kind of loss?”

    “It wasn’t our future,” Ethan said. “It was an illusion.”

    But sadness had gripped me, wrapped fingers around my heart, and wasn’t ready to let go. “And even if it was,” I began, and turned back to the window. “Look at the city, Ethan. This is our legacy: violent sorceresses, enemies on our doorstep, humans driven mad by magic. Why would we even want to bring a child into this world? Into Sorcha’s world?”

    “It’s not Sorcha’s world,” Ethan said, his tone as sharp as a knife. “It is our world. She is intruding, and we will handle her as we always have.”

    I shook my head. “Even if we could have a child, children are fragile.”

    “Children are resilient, and our child will be immortal.”

    “So we assume. But we don’t know that. Not really. We don’t know anything about the biology, how it would work. And if she’s the only one—the only vampire kid? What kind of life would that be? What kind of life would she have?”

    “Where is this coming from?”

    I flung a hand toward the window. “From out there. From in here. From every night we have to fight to stay alive. From wondering if that will ever end.”

    “It’s not like you to be afraid.”

    “It isn’t every night that I’m facing down a city that is somehow possessed with magic. Only an idiot wouldn’t be afraid.”

    “Merit, it’s been a long night punctuated with fear and anger and magic. You just need sleep.” His voice was soft and kind, and that nearly brought me to tears again. I didn’t want pity or consolation; this sadness, this near grief, demanded my full attention.

    “I don’t need sleep.” My voice sounded petulant even to me. And that only made me feel worse.

    “Then perhaps I might have said that it’s not like you to back down in the face of fear.”

    “Is that what we’d be doing? Backing down? Or just being logical?”

    This time, his tone was firmer. “Nothing you’ve said is logical.”

    “Don’t be condescending.”

    Temper flashed in his eyes. “I am not condescending. I am expecting bravery from you. If you’re afraid, we’ll work through it. But we will not back down because of her. We will not let her destroy our family before we have a chance to begin it.”

    “Nothing is certain,” I said, thinking of Gabe and Claudia. “And maybe I don’t want any more risk.”

    “Then maybe you aren’t acting like the Sentinel of this House.”

    I had no words for him, no possible response. I didn’t like feeling afraid, and certainly didn’t like showing that fear to him. But that didn’t seem to matter. The fear still gripped me, dark and icy, just as winter had apparently gripped the city.

    We stared at each other in silence until automatic shades descended over the windows, until the sun breached the horizon.

  • Romance | Fantasy | Vampire